I think I tend to fall more on the side of “confessional poet,” but I also like to write about other people and focus on their stories—even if they’re really small, subtle moments. I prefer free verse, but I sometimes wonder if that’s because my mentors wrote mostly free verse, or because I overused rhyme when I “wrote” in high school. I wish I could be a bit more political, but I always feel like it sounds false/trite when I try to write something. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying.
A couple nights ago, on her talk show, Chelsea Handler stated “as soon as New Year’s Resolutions are made they will most likely be broken.” For the past 9 years I have believed the same thing and have refused to make any plans come the new year. It’s not that I don’t agree with the concept of the NYR, it’s just I have rarely seen this time period as one for “reinvention” of who I am v. who I want to be.
Back when I was in high school I used the summer time to get fit, maybe get a tan (which rarely happened), and acquire a whole new wardrobe. It seemed that I always had this plan to get to who I wanted to be. Come September, I felt ready to debut the “new” me to my friends.
I participated in extracurricular activities, some that I actually enjoyed and others that were meant to look good on a college application. Everything was done to construct this persona. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t popular. I wasn’t “the brain,” or the girl with purple hair. It was never about being those people, I knew my capabilities.
To some extent I clung to crafting an image my freshman year at uni. That year I had this instructor who was smart, stylish, funny…basically everything I aspired to be (when I reached her age). Yet, my attempts to reach that goal were failing. I was suffering from the symptoms of hypothyroidism and PCOS (and that didn’t get diagnosed until two years later), so I just gave up.
Slowly, over the past few years I’ve started taking time to figure out who it is I want to be. It’s a fluid idea and timing is everything. I am at a turning point, the end of an age. I am on the brink of a new beginning, why not take a chance and maybe “reinvent” myself again?