Category Archives: Get Serious

When your response isn’t helpful…

I’m really sick of this response to One Billion Rising, “men can be abused too. Women are also perpetrators.”  No one is saying this doesn’t happen. No is saying this isn’t an issue as well. No one is saying we shouldn’t try to solve this problem.

However, let’s look at this statistic: 1 in 3 women will be beaten and/or raped in her lifetime. This is not on a national level–this is on a global level. This is a fucking scary statistic. So yes, there is this ONE DAY where women, and those who love them want to take a stand against the violence.

The patriarchy shames all victims. There must be added feelings of not being “manly enough,” and worrying that those they share their story with, will sort of laugh it off. However, that doesn’t make it less of an issue than DV against women. It also doesn’t make it a more important issue either. Violence against anyone is heinous, and should be spoken out against.

If you want to organize a day to protest domestic violence against men, I’ll be there. I’ll even help you organize it. BUT you know what I won’t be doing? I won’t be undermining your event/cause.

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Red Umbrella Day 2012

Red Umbrella Day

Yesterday, for the second year in a row, I participated in Red Umbrella Day  (International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers ). I learn so much from these events, and there is still so much work to do when it comes to making sure sex workers are safe, and respected.

We walked down one of our city’s main roads, carrying signs that read “Consent is Sexy,” “Sex Work is Real Work,” and “Respect Sex Workers.” We then participated in a candle light vigil and read off the names of victims who were killed in the last year.

Here are the names I read, and some info :

January Marie Lapuz –Age: 26  –From: Westminster, BC, Canada –Date: September 30 2012 –info: Transgender sex worker

Jessie Anne Wilson –From: Mt. Gambier, Australia –Date: October 1, 2012

15 Women –From: Rwanda –Date: September, 2012 –info: Unknown if connected mostly sex workers.

Julia –From: Kirovograd, Ukraine –Date: 2012

Karima –From: Limoges, France –Date: 2012 –info: Transgender, suicide

Maria Felix –From: Antigua and Barbuda –Date: 2012

Marland Anderson –Age: 39 –From:Los Angeles, CA –Date: April 8, 2012 –info: Undetermined cause of death, following altercation with LAPD.

Mike –From: Vancouver, BC, Canada –Date: 2012 –info: Vietnamese male escort.

You can find the full list of names from this year here: 2012 Names

The cumulative  list of names can be found here: List of Names

Violence against sex workers is under-reported, and ignored. One of the organizers for the event said that often police reports involving the assault/murder  of sex workers contain the language NHI or No Humans Involved. I found this particular bit of information, incredibly disturbing.  Remember, we are all someone’s child.

It’s important to listen to the voices, and know the names of the people who were lost because our society is indifferent and ignorant. They are worthy of being noticed and heard.

You haven’t even begun…

“I don’t think people really change. I think they, we, can become better versions of what we are, more efficient, more impactful, hopefully less destructive. ” — William Bradley

I’ve been thinking about this quote ever since Bradley wrote up his review of the season finale of Mad Men.  I suppose I’ve always been infatuated with the idea reinvention, changing into something completely different…for the better, of course. In a way it’s a sort of Frankenstein idea of the emotional and mental self, keeping things you like, getting rid of those you don’t.

I like to think that for the most part we are constantly evolving, making subtle changes not only for ourselves but for those around us. Maybe it means keeping in touch with people who really do care about you, and letting go of the people you’ve out grown. Or maybe it’s even something superficial, like remembering to put the toilet-paper on the toilet-roll holder because you know the empty cardboard drives your partner crazy.

Lately I’ve been wondering if people really are capable of change. I had a argument discussion with a friend a few weeks ago, where she stated that she didn’t like certain aspects of her personality and was trying to change them. I kept telling her that it was a great thing and that I hoped she found what she was looking for. At the end of the day I’m not really sure what she wants to fix. I feel like maybe it was a nice thing to say at the time, but since then there hasn’t been any real effort on her part to sort of keep the ball rolling.  I’ll be honest, I feel duped and find the scenario to be along the lines of her “[announcing] abruptly that [she] has evolved — instead of actually evolving.”  I feel like when you’re trying to repair certain aspects of yourself or relationships that need to be mended and managed, well, you can’t really go on hiatus.

On the other hand I’m constantly confronted by the idea of people becoming to be some bizarre ideal that they hold near and dear to their hearts. In a previous entry I mentioned a roommate who used to give us hints of the beautiful person she could be, but then devolved into something selfish and superficial. Will she one day feel like she should do a 180, and find herself on the path to becoming a better person?

I’m always hopeful that people will change for the better. I hope they wake up and see the friends they have who truly care about them. It would be wonderful to have  self-awareness and see how we’ve slighted people or unintentionally hurt them, and change those behaviors. It would be great if we became more caring and generous.  But by fixing those elements are we actually changing?  Or is Bradley right, and we’re simply becoming better versions of ourselves?

“I am not a whore”

Thanks SNL, for showing the ep where Tina Fey acts as host. During Weekend Update Fey has a segment called Women’s News in which she discusses the triumphs and setbacks women have made. These setbacks included Michelle McGee. Over the past couple of months I’ve been reading criticisms about  Fey’s comments on Michelle McGee. Fey compares McGee’s appearance to that of a 7th grade boys binder, and says girls like her are the reason men cheat.  Now the first part is…true. I find McGee’s look harsh and not like that of a bombshell. If you want to see a tattoo model whose ink doesn’t look random (like doodles on a notebook) then check out Sabina Kelley.

I do disagree with Fey’s statements that men cheat because there are women like McGee and girls from Tiger’s harem running around. I believe men/women cheat on their spouses because they’re bored, they think they can get away with it, they fell for someone else; most of all I think men cheat because society “allows” them to. Whenever a male celebrity/politician is caught cheating, the clichéd excuses come into play. “We’re not meant to be with one partner for life, the rest of the animal kingdom doesn’t mate for life.”  There’s also the popular “men are biologically meant to spread their seed,” which is the philosophy that Michelle McGee subscribes to. I’m sorry, but if we’re going a long those lines then there a lot of things that we should be predisposed to doing such as walking everywhere, hunting/gathering our own food, participating in communities instead of logging onto Facebook. If we tie sleeping around to fulfilling other biological urges, maybe we should be thankful men aren’t taking dumps on the sidewalk whenever they need to. Let’s face it men aren’t cheating on their wives, boys are, because being a man implies maturity; maturity suggest you’re able to control yourself, understand consequences, weigh the pros and cons of a situation, see that your actions might hurt people, not be selfish.

I wonder if Fey’s anger at these women is misplaced, and she’s lashing out at their “sluttiness” because it’s the most obvious and acceptable thing to be angry at. Now, I’m not saying I condone McGee’s “relationship” with Jesse James, but I’m more appalled by her willingness to participate in publicly humiliating someone. That is my issue with these girls who sell their stories to the tabloids, they get compensated for openly mocking the spouse. Sure in their 3rd interview they’re “sorry,” they just wanted the wife to know that she was married to a tool. Really?!  You wanted them to know that they married someone with little respect  for them, and thought the best way was to tell the whole world? You couldn’t have called or written a note?

“Be Italian” (or any other ethnic group that is cool)…

Whenever I see a post about the kids on “The Jersey Shore” it’s always followed by comments about how they aren’t really Italian. There’s always someone pointing out that if they went to Italy they would be made fun of and not accepted because they don’t speak Italian and don’t look/act like they are from there either.

Now, the issue about “being Italian” has also been brought up in interviews with the cast, and they are always quick to respond that they aren’t representing Italian Americans; for them it’s about the Guido lifestyle. I can respect that. I’m curious though, about the gap that viewers see in “being Italian” and “being Italian American.” From my understanding, “the Jersey Shore” cast sees it as there  still being cultural ties/practices that relate back to the “old country.” So in living their way of life, and through ethnic background they consider themselves to be Italian…so why can’t the rest of us?

How much does cultural background influence us? If we have the ethnicity in our genes can we really say we identify with it  if we pass for “white” and are not raised in a place/by a person that encourages a connection with our heritage? What about those who are white, but were brought up in a place where the majority of people were from a different racial/ethnic background and that influence was strong?

In a way I can relate to the cast’s plight because as a Latina (who doesn’t know Spanish) I’ve been told many times over (usually by people of the Caucasian persuasion) that I’m not Hispanic. If this has ever happened to you, you can understand how incredibly frustrating it is to have some say this, especially when you do have many ties to your culture. There are subtleties that outsiders would miss. Hell, there are people who I’m related to who don’t really understand specific traditions because they were not brought up with those concepts in mind.

I’ll admit it, I’m annoyed by those people who don’t really identify with being Hispanic unless it makes them look cool among their “white” friends or helps them get a scholarship/job when they tick the box on an application form. It’s unfair for the rest of us who’ve had to put up with racial slurs and being treated with prejudice.  In fact I know one person who passes for white, who sort of laughed it off when their fiance boyfriend called them “a wet back,” simply shrugging and said he doesn’t know better.” All the people I know(white or Latino) would find that unacceptable, but maybe that’s because they’ve been immersed in the Hispanic culture. Or maybe they  just know that exploiting and insulting people of different ethnic backgrounds is never in vogue.